Emotions

Start: 12.33am (23/7/15) 

Oh yeah. 

Possibly this will be Part 1. Where I talk about how I feel? Idk. Fight me. 

Technically this would be Part 2, then, huh? After the last post X) 

Anyways, 

yesterday we were at my Uncle's house. He lives on the 15th floor. 

I walked onto the balcony and for a pretty long time, I just stood there- leaning against the rail. 

I don't know. The view was spectacular and the wind felt nice, but my heart twisted and grew uncomfortable for some reason. Especially when I looked over to Genting. 

Amazing how something so far (in a different state even) could be seen so clearly. 

Maybe it was a sense of longing. I wanted to be somewhere else. I wanted to not care about stuff right now. To travel? Probably. 

What were the people there doing? I bet the temperature felt nice. It's cold up there, so I think I'd enjoy it at least. 

I reallyyy want to be somewhere other than here, to be honest. 

But I guess I still have a lot to do. 

End: 12.40am 

Thoughts at 12am

Date: 23rd July 2015, Thursday 

Start: 12.19am

Assalaamu'alaikum, everyone :) 

Today is the.. 7th day of Syawal! So yes, Ramadhan has ended and the time to spend Raya with the family has technically passed (￣▽￣' ) 

We wore purple on the first day, and electric blue on the next (We went to Johor)

I managed to survive iktikaf X) Was a struggle but I managed! I went for a whole week+ //thumbs up// doesnt count that i went back right for a night right hehehe 

//sigh 

Truth is I really want to write about how I'm feeling right now. I should be asleep but this is kinda worrying me. I want to tell someone but I also don't..? aGH 

I feel quite nervous and worried for my class rn. I don't know if I can cope. It's my laziness, I'm sure, but I don't wany to continue being afraid of going to school because I don't know how the teachers will react to my un-accomplishments that i alwAYS say I'll do but end up not doing!! UGGHH IM SO FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF 

I know I'm wasting time most of the time but I just continue procrastinating while thinking about everything I have to do 'later'. I want to scream at myself because I have low willpower to do anything. //sIGHS 

I tell myself do better and that I'll try harder but aaGHHH I REALLY HAVE TO

I think I'm having friend problems but I'm not really sure. 

When I talk about problems in the family with my family I start to cry. That's pretty weird. Even Kakngah does it, I think. 

I want there to be someone irl who'll just listen to everything I have to say. I wish my best friends understood. They probably would, but I feel so reluctant to tell anyone at the same time. 

I'm getting mad at myself again >< 

//breathes

Okay, 'rant' over. I really wish these butterflies would go away. 

Hari Raya Party coming soon, and I'm hoping I'll get to wear my cool pants and muslimah shirt combo! 

My 'art style' or whatever is slowly improving :) Hopefully I'll be able to draw really nicely in the future, in sya allah. 

Salam, and good night, people!~ 

End: 12.30am